Take Advantage of Today Cuz Tomorrow Aint Promised

Mmmm orange life savers...
Originally uploaded by *M-C1*

Last week a close friend had a massive stroke. This is a 32 year old man of average height and weight and from what the Doctors have told his family most people would not have survived this stroke. In talking to my mom about this, we agreed that his lifestyle prob had a lot to do with him surviving. He's in the military so, physically fit, and he's a non-smoker. He does drink (not sure how much) and I'm not familiar with his eating habits so I dont know if these factors worked for or against him.
During the conversation, my mom said something interesting; that certain events are destined to happen in our lives and the impact and manner in which the events(s) take place is determined by the lifestyle we are leading at the time it happens. My mom is a former drug addict and she recounted a story to me of a fall she took when I was approx 5 yrs old. She has a scar on her chin from getting a butterfly bandage at the hospital (not sure why they didnt stitch it up but we are talking 80's medicine in an urban area hospital). When the fall happened, she and I were alone in our apartment. She said she'd gotten up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and she felt dizzy and faint so she tried to get back to the bed but she missed and hit the floor. She'd been clean and sober for a few years when this happened but she told me she believed this is the type of injury she would have sustained in a car accident or some other way; that it was destined to happen. See my mom has expressed to me that she believes I saved her life. Its because she got pregnant with me that she stopped drinking and doing drugs. Doctors told her she would never be able to get pregnant, let alone carry a child to term so she kinda looks at me as her miracle baby. If I had not been here when the fall happened she probably would have been out drinking and drugging and the injury would have been the result of a car crash, a fist fight or some other heinous event.
This belief ties into my quote: "The events of your life are predestined but you still need to take advantage of every opportunity." I do believe that everything that is happens to, for and through us is set before we are even born. I also believe that we have to be ready to receive the lessons and blessings to get the full impact. Sometimes if we arent ready the first time its because we didnt pay attention to the signs that would lead us to the understanding so we have to go through the event again at a later date and time when we are more willing and ready to accept whats being offered. There are times when I dont understand why I'm going through a hardship or other situation but I do know that its all in preparation for something better to come. Its been said that sometimes God takes things away from us to free our hands for something better. We usually dont recognize it at the time but as long as we continue to have faith and be thankful it will all eventually make sense.
Going back to my friend who had the stroke...maybe this is his wake up call to change some things in his life whether it be where he lives, what he does for a living, who he surrounds himself with. But overall I hope his survival has made him more grateful and appreciative of this precious gift called life. At some point or another in our lives we all take the tomorrows and laters for granted. We need to remember that tomorrow is not promised so live each day to the fullest and never have any regrets for the shoulda, woulda, couldas. Find your purpose in life and spread joy and happiness everyday.

Don't fall victim to the HYPE

My Heart Is Filled....
Originally uploaded by janoid

I don't know what got me thinking about this but I just need to say Valentine's Day is a bunch of bull!!! Its a holiday cultivated by the companies that see large profits from it. Do not allow yourselves to be brainwashed by the commercials, ads and media attention. We all need to stop feeding into that crap, especially the ladies. Its not healthy for your significant other to feel they have to show and prove their love on this particular day just because its what everyone else is doing. I say show me you love me on any regular day out the year. It will feel more genuine that way and it will be much more appreciated. No person, event or entity outside your relationship should ever be allowed to dictate any aspect of your union, Period. Create your own traditions and holidays with your significant other. Bottom line...if you love someone, show and tell them often, not just once a year. Express your love in your own time and in your own way. FUCK a Valentine's Day!!!!

Fake It Til I Make It?

I had a conversation a few weeks ago with my cousin. She just had her first child and I was asking her who she'd chosen as godmother. She started off by saying that she takes the godmother role very seriously; its not just a cute title in her eyes. The she proceeded to tell me that she wanted to chose me but she recognizes that I have a plan for my life and she didnt think being godmother to her daughter would fit into my plan. I had to stop and ask her what did she mean by that. She explained that from her point of view I have a calculated step-by-step plan to do certain things in my life. I had to laugh at that because that is the furthest thing from the truth; I've gotten caught up in living life and paying bills and somehow pushed my dreams to the back burner. There is no detailed plan to get me from one step to the next because honestly, I dont know what the next step is. Lately I have been wrestling with my self trying to decide what exactly I want to do with my life. I'm good at so many things (and horribly at so many others) and I'm not sure how to channel that into making a living doing something that I enjoy and that doesnt feel like work. There are many things I want to try but not sure how to get started and there are other things I think I want to do but I'm scared to death of failure or looking like a fool(which I know is the wrong way to look at or go into a situation...I'm working on changing the way I think).
There have been some major changes in my life over the last few months, the biggest being me moving back home to my moms house in NJ from FL. Florida represents my independence; its the place where I got my first apartment and got my first real job. I knew moving back in with my moms was going to be a challenge because I havent lived in the house with her since I was 12 and I've lived alone for the last 5 yrs or so. It has been a humbling experience to say the least. To be perfectly honest, living at home makes me feel I have taken a step back in my adulthood; for the most part this is my own shit playing out in my head. I'm a perfectly capable, almost-29 year old who at one time knew exactly what I was doing, what I wanted and had no problem taking care of myself. And then I got laid off...and part of me feels like I still havent recovered from that devastating blow. I will say though, that being laid off prompted me to start on this journey to figure out what career I want to pursue and the kind of life I want to lead. A little over two years later my always-longing-for-balance ass is still trying to figure it all out. I know that I'm probably harder on myself than I should be but I guess I feel I must hold myself to high expectations because if I dont then no one else will. So I'm gonna keep pushing through these thoughts, emotions and events until I figure it all out. In the meantime, I guess I'll continue to make it look good even though I didnt realize I was hiding my inner battle from others so well...

"I wear it well on my Libra scales"

libra scales tattoo
Originally uploaded by boggirldl

With my birthday fast approaching I've been thinking a lot about my sign (I'm a Libra) and the many meanings of scales. See, most people automatically think about the scales of balance which is appropriate. The Lady Justice, the symbol prevalent in many court houses across this country, holds the scale in her left hand and it is supposed to measure the merits for and against a case being tried in the court. Being a balance-seeking-Libra myself, I am often able to see both sides of an argument. There are times when I have trouble making decisions and there are times when I can see the other side of an argument but have no trouble making a decision to stand on a particular side of the line. Trust me, seeking balance is a gift and a curse because I have spent a lot of time trying to compromise and make everyone happy. The older I get the more I realize that I need to worry more about making myself happy and less about making other people happy at the expense of my own feelings; I aim to balance myself first and foremost.
One of the most important things in my life is music; I fell in love with music at a young age and can remember knowing all the words to songs I had no business knowing anything about i.e. Anita Baker and Sade tunes as well as various other artists. I joined the choir in the 4th grade and continued with if for a few years. I also learned how to play the recorder (a requirement for music class way back when) and for a brief period I took up playing the Baritone ( a disturbingly large instrument that I detested lugging around). In undertaking music, I learned the scales as I learned to read music. For those of you who dont know, a scale is the range of high to low notes in a melody or harmony. Me being the Libra I am, I prefer to stay at the median of the scale but there are times when my buttons are pushed and I am forced to the higher end of the scale, having to raise my voice and otherwise get ignorant with people. In my younger days I was what some would call loud because I felt that was the only way to be heard but I've since learned there are quieter ways to command attention and have my voice heard. My trips to the lower portion of the scale usually come when I am tired or not feeling too well.
Another type of scale to take into account can be found on the bodies of many species of fish and some insects. The purpose for these scales is to provide a layer of protection. I know everyone has a story and almost all of us have been through at least one crazy thing or another but I do know that I had to develop my own layer of protection when I went to boarding school in the 7th grade. Until that point, I had led a pretty sheltered life, having gone to strictly the best private and catholic schools and never really having to interact with anyone my family and caretakers deemed inappropriate. Looking back I realized I had a lot of haters when I started boarding school because I got good grades, played sports and all the teachers, houseparents, etc loved me. I was a good kid (yeah, I waited until I was in college to go mouthing off to everyone). I was called names, teased about everything from my "high butt," talking "like a white/valley girl," and even getting good grades, which was all new to me. At first my feelings were hurt but I learned to continue to do my thing and tune out those who had something negative to say; something that has definitely come in handy as I've gotten older. My past has shaped who I am today and will continue to be in my future.
Although I don't interpret it verbatim and to the letter, I do believe in astrology and the idea that people born under the same sign have some of the same personality/character traits. Some of my best friends are Libra's that I've known more than half my life; we are similar in some ways and very different in others. I think the differences have a lot to do with whom and how we were raised. Regardless, I love being a Libra and I believe the Scales make the world a better place bringing a helpful hint of balance to this otherwise chaotic world we live in.

A little tidbit

Never ask a loved one to choose between you and a hobby, talent, career, etc. One of you will end up hurt and resentful. Be supportive and compromise. See if you can be a part of it; become more involved; it's a great way to get more time with them and you get to see their face light up while they are doing what they love. Encouragement and support are the key and if you can't then maybe you need to move on..